Ah, that time of year when the desperation factor intensifies as you search for perfect holidays gifts, venturing into high-end stores that you don’t normally frequent… 1. I clearly don’t make enough money in my life. What do people do for a living that are able to […]
1. Slim Jims from the corner convenience store. [Take cheap plastic meat out of cheap plastic packaging prior to arrival. Wrap meat in the ugly silk scarf that Cousin Edna tossed your way 20 years ago and you’ve never worn.] “This is a special friendship log that I […]
1. The stupid box it comes in. As soon as you dump the various sections of the tree out of the shiny, new box, you might as well throw the box away. You are never going to get all of the tree back in that box. And as […]
Note: Taking a short break from the Quik Trip saga (half of you will be disgruntled about this, the other half will light a votive candle of appreciation) to share an older bit that the lovely Melanie excavated during her archaeological dig on my old website. This one […]
Editor’s Note: As a companion piece to my recent paean to the mood swings of a Chinese Buffet experience, here is an older ode exemplifying the writer’s obsessive thoughts concerning a new breakfast option at a local cafeteria-style chain… 1. The fact that Luby’s even serves breakfast. They […]
1. “Is there a particular reason why you can’t unload the dishwasher? Is it a religious issue?” 2. “That button on the DVR remote that says ‘Erase All’? What happens if you accidentally push that? And what happens if I’m the one that pushed it?” 3. “You think […]
1. The bathroom scale is clearly possessed by demons. There can be no other explanation for the erratic way those damn numbers keep saying the wrong thing and going in the wrong direction. Cleanse your house of evil spirits. Leave the tainted scales on the front steps of […]
1. Wow, those kids look like they’re about 6 years old. 2. Hermione was pretty bitchy back in the day. 3. Daniel Radcliffe/Harry has exactly two facial expressions: “total surprise at being famous for basically doing nothing” and “grim determination as he prepares to face off against a […]
1. Some like it hot. These folks reach in, turn the hot-water tap to ultra-gusher, completely ignore the cold-water tap, and then leave the settings like this for the entire three-hour tour. Now, I generally like to wash away my sins as well as anyone, but I really […]
1. Getting the lawn mower out of the shed Once upon a time, we thought it would be really cute to convert the garage into another den, because we had too much furniture in the rest of the house. (I have an inability to consider where I’m going […]
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