Thank you for selecting Lefty Blue’s Animal Tours as an entertainment destination. We are quite certain that you will enjoy your time with us as we explore the darkest corners of uncivilized society. For today’s adventure, we will be visiting the Soulless Bushlands, the Lower Regions of Moralitavia, […]
1. She used your middle name when screaming from another room that you needed to report to her immediately. 2. Dead silence on her end of the line when you called her at work for the twenty-seventh time in one afternoon. 3. Proclaiming at dinner that you don’t […]
1. You become aroused simply walking through the produce section of the supermarket. (Stay away from the cucumbers and the carrots. And you might want to avoid the gourds as well, because some of those raised bumps can look very interesting.) 2. You seem to be having too […]
1. Trying to stonewash my own jeans, using bleach, because buying the real thing was too damn expensive. (And failing miserably with the home-school fashion update, reducing the denim to the consistency of mosquito netting.) 2. Playing “Quarters” with my college peeps, never pausing to consider that it […]
Note: This little nugget is from way back in the day when I was flailing around on another network. I was still trying to figure out my voice, but there are glimmers of things to come… 1. The overwhelming layer of dead leaves in the front yard. I’m […]
My friend and fellow writer, Margo, has nominated me for another blogging award that- Hey, wait a minute. Stop running for the door, with terror in your eyes and a determination to take down anybody who gets in your way. Just relax. Yes, this is one of those […]
1. Why do you hold your wireless phone in front of your mouth when you speak instead of on the side of your head? Do you not understand that you are actually moving the microphone further away from your lips? If you thought this would help your little […]
1. You now have a reason to get out of bed in the morning. Yes, I’m sure there are a number of mighty fine reasons to actually pull back the covers and face the day (the chance to see a loved-one’s face, the opportunity to make more money […]
1. She is often airborne. The lovely lass has been taking gymnastics lessons for some time, and apparently the leaders of this possible cult encourage their members to practice ALL the time. This results in startling moments when said lass will perform sudden handsprings across the kitchen counter whilst […]
Editor’s Note: This is a refurbished older post, a cautionary tale of what can happen when you mix the gift-exchange process with excessive amounts of alcohol. The references are a wee bit dated, but the underlying moral is the same: Don’t drink and unwrap. Unless everybody else […]
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