Although many believe the “Bathing Beauties” competitions at Coney Island during the early 1900s were the forerunners of the Miss America pageant, they were actually part of a scientific study of human failure. In this test scenario, the objective was to determine how long it took before the […]
It was clear that Bonnie was not quite as invested in the invention of paparazzi as her friend appeared to be…
Gertrude was a bit peeved to learn that her thigh exposure was considered more of a disgrace than the stupid bathing bonnet that her sister had slapped together using fruit salad and some glue…
Sally: “Isn’t this the best diet ever?” Millie: “The best! You are so smart to think of it. Am I doing it right?” Sally: “Yes, just hold the burger in front of your mouth but DON’T take a bite.” Millie: “Okay, got it. Say, I really like what […]
Him: “Today’s outing has been rather enjoyable, my dear, don’t you think?” Her: “It was interesting, I’ll say that much.” Him: “You didn’t enjoy it? You didn’t like the feeling of swimming in the ocean? We’ve never done that before.” Her: “And I still don’t know what it […]
Lady in the Center: “Why, yes, I am wearing a dress fashioned out of a 13th-century French tapestry, thank you for noticing. This particular tapestry was found in an abandoned royal castle, where apparently Queen Veronique the Something or Other was stabbed to death whilst hiding behind it. […]
Lady on the Left: “Girl, what’s up with that humongous thing on your head and the Bible nestled in your safety-dance zone? I was pretty proud of my Napoleon-tribute hat-wear until you came along.” Lady on the Right: “If you must know, I’m just trying to be closer […]
As the Baptists predicted, allowing slattern women to wear scandalous bathing attire on public beaches quickly led to moral depravity, group addiction, gangsta fashions, and the shocking outrage of people not listening to the Baptists anymore…
Sadie is very, very happy. Sadie is also very, very drunk. Behind her, Baby Sadie (so named because Momma Sadie had focus issues when it came time to fill out that birth certificate) is just realizing that she will once again have to find a nice gentleman to […]
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