Director: “I’m sorry, what are you trying to accomplish with that pose?” Actress: “I’m showing the inner torment of my character.” Director: “When did your character become a pouty mermaid? We don’t even have any water in this film.” Actress: “Isn’t that a picture of the Titanic behind […]
Therapist: “Let’s try a new exercise, mainly because all of the other exercises have failed to get you to emotionally adjust in any satisfactory way. Why don’t we spend the rest of our session with you thinking of things you wished someone had said to you as an […]
1. It’s hard to make a grand entrance at the restaurant when obnoxious people are blocking your way. Okay, Mr. Speed Bump, I understand that the 47 pounds of spicy, fried lard that you just ate might slow you down a bit. Got it. But seriously, why […]
1. “I’m sorry, was that you trying to form a complete sentence? My bad. At first I thought someone had run over another armadillo out on Route 9.” 2. “So when the Jesus visions come to you, are they live-action or animated? I’ve always wondered. We don’t get […]
When Alberta set her mind to something, she was determined to see it through. Henry, standing on the porch: “What the hell are you doin’, woman?” Alberta: “Us women just got the right to vote and I’m off to do it.” Henry: “But there ain’t no election today. […]
Note: This is an older bit of “performance art”, so the references to my blogs are a bit dated. Please excuse. In one of those moments when you forget all about something until you run across it again, I recently found this work-in-progress video blog from several […]
It’s amazing how messing with just a word or two in a title can totally change your marketing demographic… 1. “The Combine Strikes Back” 2. “Lawrence of Alabama” 3. “The Sound of Mooing” 4. “A Streetcar Named Bessie Mae” 5. “From Here to That Tree over Yonder” […]
Ramon: “Hello, my name is Ramon. I am posing in the sexual way on this railing of boat so you will want to see all of my movies and tell others of them.” Photographer: “What the hell? You don’t need to talk. We’re just doing publicity shots here.” […]
Granny Mae, walking down the street: “Hey, girl. Watcha doin’ sittin’ on this bench outside Bonnywood Manor?” Stargazer Lily, perched on said bench, a rather clever one designed by Frank Lloyd Wright during his salad days before he made all that money: “Oh, hey, Granny. I was just […]
Once upon a time, as a companion piece to my “Backup Dancers From Hell” blog, I had a side project entitled “Typos From Hell”, wherein I would slightly alter the title of a popular song and then come up with a fake promotional bit for that violated title. […]
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