Dear Viewers, I’m sure you’re just as excited as I am about the upcoming new shows on our glorious network. We have worked very hard to ensure that all bovine orientations have been represented, despite the threatened boycotts by right-wing organizations such as Focus on the Cows […]
Yep, the rising feline star receives actual fan mail from time to time, a clear indication that we have some folks who might need to get out of the house a little more. I thought it was only appropriate that Scotch respond to these missives, since these folks […]
There was a gasp in the courtroom, followed by silence. All eyes turned toward the judge, curious as to how she might take that last remark. Ima Beansprout sighed, took off her glasses, rubbed her eyes, then turned to the defendant in the witness box, clearly not satisfied […]
Her name was Lola, she was a showgirl, with yellow feathers in her hair and a dress cut down to… wait a minute. Where are the feathers? Where’s the DRESS? Something is clearly amiss in Gotham City, and we must find out more. Let’s eavesdrop on the scene […]
1. If you have stupidly stored an important item in a basement where the light flickers, you just need to forget about it and buy a new one. 2. If the hotel clerk hands you the registration book for you to sign, and the page is dusty and […]
We’ve all been there. You’re in a public place. Or semi-public. It doesn’t really matter. The point is that there are people around and you cannot do certain things. You should not be digging for Waldo in your honker. Touching your genitals, even if it’s a simple readjustment […]
Hi, everybody! It’s me again, playing on Daddy’s toplap because he’s in the Food Room trying to make a breakfast burrito. He’ll be in there a while, because he makes them extra special and puts lots of stuff in them, stuff that I can barely smell before I […]
1. Don’t make one. This is the best method of preventing humiliation and discomfort in a clinical establishment populated with people wearing designer scrubs and shoving needles in your arm. Sadly, your body often chooses to ignore this plan, and insists on having something go awry with one […]
Editor’s Note: After receiving my 4,000th unsolicited email from obvious scammers who just as obviously haven’t bothered to learn the language of the person they are nefariously targeting, I decided it was time for a response. (By no means should this post be considered a mocking of those […]
In a surprise move, the Topeka School Board voted to allow girls to take Automotive Repair courses at the high school. Of course, this startling attempt at social progress in a red state came with a few restrictions. The girls had to perform all class exercises whilst wearing […]
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