It was an innocent afternoon, initially. I hadn’t really planned on anything extraordinary happening, as it was a rather mundane Wednesday and the highlight of said day (the lawn service showing up to pitifully attempt to make our heat-scorched Texas yard exude some sign of life) had already […]
Hi, everybody! It’s me again, playing on Daddy’s toplap because he’s in the Food Room trying to make a breakfast burrito. He’ll be in there a while, because he makes them extra special and puts lots of stuff in them, stuff that I can barely smell before I […]
Here’s the deal. I was tidying up the house the other day when I noticed that the on-hand stock of a certain “relationship enhancement” product was alarmingly low. Now, I normally wouldn’t think it appropriate to publicly share details of the bedroom. But in this particular case, considering […]
It’s 1981, late summer, a few weeks away from the start of my junior year in high school. My friend Stephanie (I think it was Stephanie, a little fuzzy on that, but I’m fairly certain) had convinced me to join her on a mission to obtain gainful employment. […]
1. I really hate walking on the treadmill. It’s not the treadmill’s fault. He’s really nice. It’s the concept of exercise overall. Back in the day, when I didn’t have to exercise, but actually had an abundance of energy to do it, I was much more accepting of […]
1. Wow, those kids look like they’re about 6 years old. 2. Hermione was pretty bitchy back in the day. 3. Daniel Radcliffe/Harry has exactly two facial expressions: “total surprise at being famous for basically doing nothing” and “grim determination as he prepares to face off against a […]
Note: For this one to work, you should be aware that Mary Fallin is currently the governor of Oklahoma, and she graduated with honors from the Trump University School of Cultural Demonization and Delusional Hypocrisy. Rachel Maddow is the host of a news program on MSNBC… As […]
Henry: “I yearn for you desperately.” Barbara: “How touching. But as you can see by the perfect curl artfully-arranged on my forehead, I’m not particularly fond of touching. Because it might jack with the curl and I spent far too much time in makeup for such a thing […]
A long time ago and far away (okay, it was eight years ago and in a neighboring town), I ran a blog series that seemed like a great idea at the time. The following ludicrous artifact is the first installment in that questionable effort. This one runs a […]
Another missive from the “Idiot Fondue” archives, wherein I posed as a psychotherapist and responded to inane queries from creative readers. Enjoy. And the mailman just handed me this: Dear Dr. Brian: Sometimes I need to eat quickly and cheap, but I’m having a fast food dilemma. […]
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