Joan: “Look, I understand that you are upset, but there is absolutely no reason for you to be shoving your hand anywhere near my bosom. You’re not a casting director.” Cliff: “No, you don’t understand. I have been in the kitchen all day, sweating my ass off and […]
1. Avoid social interactions with questionable relatives. Yes, you do have to offer an initial greeting to everyone that you see, this is only polite, but your line of responsibility ends there. Once you have achieved this basic fake show of happiness that you have seen them once […]
Ah, that time of year when the desperation factor intensifies as you search for perfect holidays gifts, venturing into high-end stores that you don’t normally frequent… 1. I clearly don’t make enough money in my life. What do people do for a living that are able to […]
Eleanor Roosevelt: “How sweet of you girls to cook this meal for me in a completely unplanned photo op.” Girl Scout #1: “My outfit makes me look Amish and I’m not really happy about that. And there’s the added pressure that I might accidentally spill this pot of […]
Editor’s Note: Many thanks to the fine folks who suggested phrases for this second edition… 1. “Well, butter my butt and call me a biscuit!” Translation: “I am completely stunned by this unexpected turn in our conversation. And since I didn’t have an adequate response I decided […]
Note: Okay, fessing a little, I DID try wearing contacts way back in the day, like 1983, when they were these hard, inflexible buttons that you basically had to glue to your eyeball and you couldn’t really close your eyelids comfortably when they hit that damn speed […]
So, I innocently wander into the kitchen, wanting a little snack but not really sure what that might entail. I’m not dying of hunger, but I’m at that age when the simple things please me, like shoving food in my mouth when I don’t really need it. (It’s […]
Eleanor Roosevelt: “How sweet of you girls to cook this meal for me in a completely unplanned photo op.” Girl Scout #1: “My outfit makes me look Amish and I’m not really happy about that. And there’s the added pressure that I might accidentally spill this pot of […]
Here at the Neurotica Café, we offer a full dining experience to ensure that you have the most emotionally-appropriate meal you have ever had. We accept all major credit cards and most insurance plans. Reservations are strongly suggested, both mentally and physically. 1. The Passive-Aggressive Patty Melt […]
Editor’s Note: Apparently I’m really into the “stories and food” theme lately, as I keep finding myself intrigued by blogs that offer such. Christi caught my eye with this piece, detailing the finer points of how dinner parties can sometimes be a bit of a challenge. Enjoy. On […]
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