Contestant on the Left: “I really think I’m going to win this beauty pageant. I have the longest fake curls, I placed a discreet tiara on my head as a subliminal message, and I bravely chose to wear dark stockings instead of the standard virginal-white. Like anybody up […]
Left to right… Guy #1: “Golly gee, I can’t believe I got elected to Congress with these other fine gentlemen. I was just trying to get a fishing license and I guess I filled out the wrong paperwork. I don’t even know where Washington is. I wonder if […]
Are any of these men able to wear a hat with grace and style? No. Is the happy kindergarten teacher with the six beers an alcoholic? Yes. Is that Sandra Bernhard doing a photo bomb on the right? Quite possibly. Will any of these people remember what they […]
1. You whack at the alarm clock, fully intending to get another 10 minutes of sleep, and the snooze bar snaps off said clock and flops under the bed. And now the alarm won’t stop bleating, negating any short-term escape from the trials of the impending day. The […]
These lovely actresses are portraying the Four Stages of Intoxication, left to right: 1) Chaste Sipping 2) Focused Slurping 3) Reckless Guzzling 4) Tramp Previously published.
1. It’s hard to make a grand entrance at the restaurant when obnoxious people are blocking your way. Okay, Mr. Speed Bump, I understand that the 47 pounds of spicy, fried lard that you just ate might slow you down a bit. Got it. But seriously, why […]
In the tiny village of Hemington, England, one can find the infamous Aten-Shearwood Manor, occupied by the delightful Lady Raz and Lady Rosanna. This lovely duo has done wonderful and extraordinary things with their lives, with one of them being the noble act of continuing to be our […]
Stephanie was not having a very good day. She had arisen that morning later than she had planned, the unintended but not surprising result of having spent much of the previous evening on an ill-fated agenda of clearing the sexual cobwebs, so to speak. (It had been three […]
Another dusty relic from the deepest corners of the archives. Fair warning: This was originally banged out during my infamous “mean girl” phase. Prepare yourselves accordingly… Setting the scene: I’m at Tierney’s Café and Tavern. (This being a Friday night, no one should be the slightest bit […]
The occasion: A festive birthday party at a friend’s lovely home. The setting: The quaint back patio of said lovely home. The time: Several drinks into the night. The factuality: This actually happened, although I fudged a bit with things like the real names of the people […]
Bonnywood Manor 
Recent Comments