Contestant on the Left: “I really think I’m going to win this beauty pageant. I have the longest fake curls, I placed a discreet tiara on my head as a subliminal message, and I bravely chose to wear dark stockings instead of the standard virginal-white. Like anybody up […]
Note: This bit seriously messes with the time-space continuum. Just raise your arms and ride the roller-coaster… King Edward VIII: “And so it is with heavy heart that I must abdicate the throne so I can be with the woman I love. I’m sure that many of you […]
8 Points of Consideration whilst reviewing this 1948 publicity still of Jane Greer: 1. What’s the oddly-placed tassel all about, dangling amidst her searchlights? Does she inflate when you pull it? Do you get a refund if she doesn’t? (The Tassel: “I really should have paid more attention […]
Greta: “I’m so excited that we’re getting our picture taken!” Hans: “Oh, please. I’m a year older than you, and let me assure you that this will get tiresome really fast.” Greta: “You’re such a pessimist, Hans. You’re just mad because you’re wearing obscenely ridiculous shorts.” Hans: “Like […]
At the premiere of the newest talkie, All This and a Bag of Chips, everyone who was anyone in Hollywood showed up at Grubman’s Vietnamese Art Deco Movie Palace and Taqueria. Milling about in the crowd of artificially young and beautiful was the ravishing (according to her press […]
Clarissa, left: “Bernadette, honey, I don’t know if you were right about this hat.” Bernadette, right: “Don’t be silly. It’s terribly fashionable and it makes a statement.” Clarissa: “The statement it’s making is that I can’t see a damn thing. I’m just looking in the direction of your […]
This fashion accessory was all the rage in the upper ranks of Parisian Society, and everyone who was anyone just had to have one or they would be shunned forever. Fifteen minutes later, someone pointed out that you couldn’t drink wine whilst wearing such a thing. The Beaky […]
Note: With the Coronavirus raging about, it was inevitable that apocalyptic rumors would circulate on social media, and they have, which prompted me to pull this one out of the archives… Dear God, Hi! I just have a few questions that I hope you can answer. I […]
Giselle, on the Right: “Whatever are you working on, darling?” Veronique, on the Left: “Oh, I’m just jotting down a few notes for when the police arrive. Don’t mind me.” Giselle: “The police? That seems rather intrusive. Why on earth would they do that?” Veronique: “Well, I did […]
Director: “It’s really not necessary for you to lift your arms like that in this scene.” Lupe: “You don’t understand. I can’t help it. They’ve put so much mascara on me that every time I blink my eyes the shock waves bouncing back from the floor are creating […]
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