Alice, left: “Sister Girl, what the hell are you doing?” Marceline, right: “I’m singing a song about the joys of being a woman in America.” Alice: “Then why do you sound like the milk truck just ran over the cat?” Marceline: “Well, I’m trying to be uplifting, but […]
Carole: “Darling, how thoughtful of you. I’ve always wanted my own personal callus remover. You think of everything.” Darling: “Actually, I didn’t think of everything. I forgot to call you downstairs when it was time to open presents. Christmas was nearly a month ago.” Carole: “Really? I hadn’t […]
Boris: “Don’t you think it’s time we took the Christmas tree down?” Ginger: “Oh, heavens no! Can’t you see that Fluffy really likes living in it? Where will he sleep without the tree?” Boris: “Fluffy is a piñata that we got in Guadalajara when we were watching all […]
The college professor clicked a button and the photo appeared on the screen behind him. He addressed the class before him. “Today, we will learn about the variability of perception. How surfaces can inadvertently lie, which can then lead to lies maliciously surfacing. Tell me your first impressions. […]
Tea Party Handbook – Manly Edition, Section 42, Clause B: “This is the proper position that your wife should assume when you arrive at home after a long day of doing everything you can to ensure that white, conservative, misogynistic men rule the planet. She is not allowed […]
I tried to wash that man right out of my hair, just like the song says, but I ran into a few complications. One, I couldn’t find the right shampoo at Walgreen’s. (Exactly what ingredient should you look for? Essence of Man-Gone? Botanical Banishment? Pregnancy-Scare Prunes?) Somebody really […]
Delilah was in a woeful state, plagued by many troubling issues. She had recently lost her job due to a misunderstanding about the proper time for alcohol consumption. She had lost her favorite boyfriend because she didn’t realize that she was only supposed to have one. And most […]
Lady on the Left: “Wow. That’s some really interesting needlepoint you’re doing there.” Lady on the Right: “Why, thank you. I’m making a commemorative swatch of the night I killed my husband.” Left: “How fascinating. May I ask a question?” Right: “Of course. I just admitted to taking […]
In the early Twentieth Century, women were not allowed to purchase lingerie without the participation of an advisory committee, with at least two members wearing annoying hats during the proceedings. At Greta Jean’s Emporium of Chastely Coverings (“Helping Privates Remain Private since 1873!”), we join a group of […]
Cyd, left: “Fred, how many times have I told you to wear tighter pants? Your amazingly muscular butt gets lost in that flour-sack abomination.” Fred, right: “Are we really talking about this right now? Just as I’m about to hurl you in the air for a triple-flip and […]
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