Jane: “I feel compelled to report an issue with my accommodations.” Hairaldo: “You look like you are compelled about a lot of things. And why is your dress stapled to your bosom?” Jane: “That’s not important. I didn’t sleep well at all last night.” Hairaldo: “Did you remember […]
Butler: “Madame, will you be requiring any more of my services this evening?” Greta: “Really, Mauritz? Does it look like I’m satisfied with how this night has been going?” Butler/Mauritz: “Well, you do seem a bit ‘Jerry Springer’. How may I assist?” Greta: “Let’s start with this unlit […]
Alfred was appalled at Tallulah’s suggestion that he didn’t know how to properly direct this scene. Tallulah was appalled that only one rose had been delivered to her dressing room. The script supervisor was appalled that Tallulah thought her outfit was fetching in any way; with markings like […]
Janet, wife, captured in radiant afterglow: “Why on earth would you say such a thing?” Humberto, current but tentative husband, not captured because he was in the throes of a Bad Hair Day, that wretched beast: “I say such a thing because your glow speaks of life-changing sexual […]
Note: This is a re-post from a few years ago, so you can ignore the bit about it being my birthday. No need to buy me a gift. Unless you didn’t get me anything back then and I’m still waiting on it… For my last birthday, I […]
Betty was a bit concerned. She could hear the folks outside her dressing room, babbling about the thing that someone had done to the actress in the other dressing room. Betty was fully aware of the thing, because she had done it. But she thought she had done […]
Greta was feeling a bit blue, as she hadn’t seen her lover in days and she was beginning to suspect that their torrid relationship had run its course. If so, then Ramon’s sudden disinterest had come at a rather inopportune time, as he had been handling both her […]
Note: There was a time in my life when my medication was unregulated, and during this freefall period I would often create an entire new blog based on nothing but a whim and a desire to be validated in some way. One of these blogging experiments was “Popcorn […]
Note: Years ago, when my “Crusty Pie” blog was in its formative months, I was hyper-invested in the goings on, often putting out three posts a day. (Granted, many of them were simple one or two-liners, but still.) At that inane rate of productivity, there were bound to […]
George: “I’m so happy to finally have you in my arms.” Janet: “Oh, is that what you’re calling these things that are encircling my virginal body with an intensity that I can’t fully appreciate? For some reason, the phrase ‘death claws’ comes to mind.” George: “Whatever do you […]
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