One question that writers often get asked is “where do you get your ideas?” This query can be a bit thorny at times and, depending on the current mood and possible medication-levels of the writer, the responses can range from “I did exhaustive research in the library for […]
Several years ago, as I was naively living what I thought was a rather satisfactory life, a dear friend pulled me to the side, handed me a margarita, waited for me to finish it (which took 3 seconds, because I have skills), and then said: “Everything you are […]
1. Lik-A-Stix This treasure came in the form of three connected paper pouches, filled with what was essentially colored and flavored sugar, and then this long, flat “stick” that looked like somebody had stepped on a piece of chalk. You took the stick, tore the opening strip off […]
McDonald’s was the pivotal food-purveyance establishment where all the young uns developed life-long addictions to fried, processed, protein-void food that would ensure we would grow up to line the pockets of the healthcare industry. (We didn’t know squat about “healthy eating” back then. When you were hungry, […]
1. You have to show up for work on time. For some diabolic reason, they always schedule these torture sessions first thing in the morning. There’s absolutely no legitimate reason for this, because no one, I don’t care who you are, functions their best before 10am. At that […]
Note: This is the “Pinterest” version, but the shocking obsessions and degradations essentially apply to all platforms. More to follow. 1. You no longer remember the names of your children. Or if you even have any. 2. The last time you looked at the television, “Friends” was still […]
1. It’s round. This is a relatively safe shape. There are generally no sharp edges where you can accidentally slice open an artery, and that’s always a good thing. Now, there is a minimal amount of inherent danger if your pizza is not already pre-sliced when you attack […]
Here at the Neurotica Café, we offer a full dining experience to ensure that you have the most emotionally-appropriate meal you have ever had. We accept all major credit cards and most insurance plans. Reservations are strongly suggested, both mentally and physically. 1. The Passive-Aggressive Patty Melt […]
So, I innocently wander into the kitchen, wanting a little snack but not really sure what that might entail. I’m not dying of hunger, but I’m at that age when the simple things please me, like shoving food in my mouth when I don’t really need it. (It’s […]
This is how one turns to a life of crime and indiscretion: When your older sisters force you to wear ridiculous costumes and then torment you further by laughing uproariously, despite their inability to arrange Grandma Bennett’s heirloom china in a proper table setting. The day will come, […]
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