Ramon, left: “My love, I don’t quite understand why my affections don’t have you on the verge of ovulation.” Evelyn, right: “Really? Well, let me help you out a bit, although I’m not quite sure where to start. Oh, screw that, let’s start with you doing everything you […]
Note: Before the concept of international travel became a fading concept with That Wretched Beast Known as Covid, we traveled to Spain quite often. In order to keep the hope alive of once again returning to said lovely country, I have yanked this travel tale from the archives. […]
Note: This one has been yanked from the archives, so please excuse the cryptic references that don’t quite make sense in the chronology of things. That aside, I think my meanderings still hold up as A Separate Piece (kudos to anyone who gets that obscure reference, as I […]
Another missive from the “Idiot Fondue” archives, wherein I posed as a psychotherapist and responded to inane queries from creative readers. Enjoy. And the mailman just handed me this: Dear Dr. Brian: Sometimes I need to eat quickly and cheap, but I’m having a fast food dilemma. […]
Fred, left: “I’m sorry to intrude, but I just found these undergarments in the hallway, and I thought I might inquire as to whether or not you might wish to claim ownership.” Melvyn, center: “Good God, man. Why so many words? Couldn’t you have just asked ‘are these […]
Left to right… Drunk Lady #1: “This pizza is so good. If the man who invented pizza walked by right now I’d bang him right here on these steps. And then take a nap.” Drunk Lady #2: “I keep missing my mouth. Why is this so hard? Hey, […]
In this snapshot from 1920, patrons at Whitey’s Pub and Bordello react to the news that women were just given the right to vote with the 19th Amendment. (Notice that there are only two people smiling: the bar-back on the far right, who apparently later gave birth to […]
To: Our Beloved Guests RE: The Crapfest Weather of the Last Several Days Which Has Led to Unappreciated Variances in What You Expect Out of Life First and foremost, I must thank you for your generous patience as we work our way through this wretchedly woeful wallop. Said […]
Fair Warning: I’m a little bit cranky in this ancient bit of venting, as evidenced by the title. Brace yourselves accordingly… 1. Idiots don’t know what snow is. Stunning as it may seem, there are folks out there who are completely mystified by the white stuff falling from […]
1. She used your middle name when screaming from another room that you needed to report to her immediately. 2. Dead silence on her end of the line when you called her at work for the twenty-seventh time in one afternoon. 3. Proclaiming at dinner that you don’t […]
Recent Comments