Awkwardly-Clingy ticket-taker at the Toulouse-Lautrec Metro Station in Paris: “Madamoiselle, I don’t know why you felt compelled to leap over the turnstile whilst bellowing something in Swedish, but I can’t have you running amok in the bowels of this city without acknowledging fair trade agreements. It’s anarchy!” PETA-defying […]
Greta, left: “I’m sorry, Daddy. I’ll try to do better.” Henry, right: “Splendid. So let’s review what we’ve just learned.” Greta: “I will stop stealing vodka from your private stock and then trying to seek validation by sharing said stock with my impressionable friends.” Henry: “Good. And?” Greta: […]
Bertram: “I don’t particularly care for this coffee table.” Beatrice: “Oh, really? You just don’t understand modern design, something you might have a better grasp of if you weren’t constantly grasping a bottle of bourbon. That table is lovely. It was created by an artist in Paris who […]
Ernst: “I’m so sorry. Have you been waiting an eternity, my love?” Greta: “What does my face say?” Ernst: “Your beautiful face says that I should remain over here until I ensure that you don’t have a sharp weapon tucked under your napkin.” Greta: “Well, that’s part of […]
Greta was feeling a bit blue, as she hadn’t seen her lover in days and she was beginning to suspect that their torrid relationship had run its course. If so, then Ramon’s sudden disinterest had come at a rather inopportune time, as he had been handling both her […]
Greta: “Wait, are you telling me you want me to die in another movie?” Agent: “But you die so beautifully. It is artistry.” Greta: “So that’s what my fans want? Pretty death?” Agent: “Yes. It’s trending on Twitter.”
Butler: “Madame, will you be requiring any more of my services this evening?” Greta: “Really, Mauritz? Does it look like I’m satisfied with how this night has been going?” Butler/Mauritz: “Well, you do seem a bit ‘Jerry Springer’. How may I assist?” Greta: “Let’s start with this unlit […]
Greta: “Oh, Robert, you must hold me now.” Robert: “Of course, my darling. Whatever is the matter? You look a bit tepid despite the wonderful lighting.” Greta: “It’s so awful. I don’t know where to begin.” Robert: “Are you speaking of those horrid tassels on the left side […]
Several years ago, as I was naively living what I thought was a rather satisfactory life, a dear friend pulled me to the side, handed me a margarita, waited for me to finish it (which took 3 seconds, because I have skills), and then said: “Everything you […]
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