Joan: “Look, I understand that you are upset, but there is absolutely no reason for you to be shoving your hand anywhere near my bosom. You’re not a casting director.” Cliff: “No, you don’t understand. I have been in the kitchen all day, sweating my ass off and […]
Click here to read Part 1 of my loving tribute to the Yuletide Season. Otherwise, plunge right in… 9. The issue about the things you shove in a bird. First off, we have this raging debate on what one calls the bread-based concoction that one uses to […]
Click here to read Part 1 of my loving tribute to the Yuletide Season. (Fair admission: This Part is not quite as loving as the First Part.) Or you can just plunge right in… 4. The madness of idiots who have somehow passed a driving test at some […]
1. Getting all that crap out of the attic. Dragging boxes out of their non-holiday nursing home wasn’t such a big deal 20 years and 30 pounds ago. It wasn’t my favorite activity even then, but I could generally haul the goods in less than 15 minutes […]
Note: Another twisted chestnut from my archival stocking, thus explaining a few of the dated references… 1. Slim Jims from the corner convenience store. [Take cheap plastic meat out of cheap plastic packaging prior to arrival. Wrap meat in the ugly silk scarf that Cousin Edna tossed your […]
Melanie was in a bit of a pickle. Her guests were due in mere minutes, and she still had several action items with which to dispense. She found this predicament to be annoyingly distressful, especially since she had planned her preparatory agenda down to the most microscopic detail, […]
Cleo the Cat: “What the hell are we looking at?” Scotch the Cat: “Oh, that’s right. You’re new around here. I forgot. I forget a lot of things. I once forgot that if the toy-let seat is up you can’t use it as a long-ching pad to get […]
Editor’s Note: This is a refurbished older post, a cautionary tale of what can happen when you mix the gift-exchange process with excessive amounts of alcohol. The references are a wee bit dated, but the underlying moral is the same: Don’t drink and unwrap. Unless everybody else […]
Note: As December broke across the land, I made a mild promise to myself that I wouldn’t unleash any of the past Christmas posts in my archives. After all, some of you delightful folks have been with me for years and you’re perhaps a bit weary of the […]
Note: This bit from the archives is not necessarily a Thanksgiving story, but it does involve turkey, so I’m latching on to that and running with it… So, I innocently wander into the kitchen, wanting a little snack but not really sure what that might entail. I’m not […]
Bonnywood Manor 
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