“I love you more than beer.” “You complete my bobble-head collection.” “You tractor-pulled my heart.” “Your eyes sparkle like moonshine.” “You are the prettiest girl in the Wal-Marts parking lot.” “I love you like a sister. Oh wait…” “Love means never havin’ to say which one of them […]
Editor’s Note: I found this delightful little rant in the archives whilst looking for something else entirely, which is essentially how my life works. I don’t know what was in my craw back on this day, but it apparently had an aroma of bitterness. Enjoy… 1. The Phone […]
A quick little post, just because. I really like this video since it features Annie Lennox, has a nice vintage feel, and it’s a little bit creepy, three of my favorite things. Enjoy and see you soon…
Editor’s Note: This is another one from my Yuletide archives… 1. Slim Jims from the corner convenience store. [Take cheap plastic meat out of cheap plastic packaging prior to arrival. Wrap meat in the ugly silk scarf that Cousin Edna tossed your way 20 years ago and you’ve […]
Editor’s Note: This is a refurbished older post, a cautionary tale of what can happen when you mix the gift-exchange process with excessive amounts of alcohol. The references are a wee bit dated, but the underlying moral is the same: Don’t drink and unwrap. Unless everybody else […]
1. It will destroy your soul. Granted, there was a time and place when I greatly enjoyed swaddling carefully-selected gifts in whimsically-printed paper. I would spend hours ensuring that each box o’ joy was so meticulously enshrined in festive wrapping that angels would descend from Heaven and sing […]
1. The stupid box it comes in. As soon as you dump the various sections of the tree out of the shiny, new box, you might as well throw the box away. You are never going to get all of the tree back in that box. And as […]
Momma: “Lucille, get away from the fireplace. We live in the projects, you don’t know what might fall out of there.” Lucille: “But Momma, it’s Christmas Eve. Santa is coming!” Momma: “Santa? Baby Girl, Santa doesn’t know where we live. We’re on welfare.” Lucille: “That’s not true. If […]
The family was greatly saddened to learn that once again someone among them had not bothered to measure twice, cut once…
Click here to read Part 1 of my loving tribute to the Yuletide Season. Otherwise, plunge right in… 9. The issue about the things you shove in a bird. First off, we have this raging debate on what one calls the bread-based concoction that one uses to enhance […]
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