Tag: Joan Crawford

Past Imperfect – #512

Whilst other starlets dreamed of beautiful sets and handsome leading men and having a clever mansion on the good end of Sunset Boulevard, young Bette envisioned the day when she could slap Joan Crawford repeatedly during multiple takes….  Note: This is Exhibit #19 in Bonnywood’s March Madness. Details […]

Past Imperfect – #540

This is what therapists call “the money shot”, when the narcissism becomes so overwhelming that dinner is delayed whilst Vida Loca tap-dances where the Boeuf Bourguignon should be. Said therapists then race to clear their appointment schedules, because Vida will soon be knocking on one of their doors, […]

Past Imperfect – #472

Joan: “Look, I understand that you are upset, but there is absolutely no reason for you to be shoving your hand anywhere near my bosom. You’re not a casting director.” Cliff: “No, you don’t understand. I have been in the kitchen all day, sweating my ass off and […]

Past Imperfect – #216

Producer: “I just want to know what drugs you were taking when you came up with this promo shot. Because I want to make sure that I never take them myself.” PR Consultant: “But, isn’t this movie about a lost Italian princess who falls in love with Frosty […]

Past Imperfect – #253

Left to right… Drunk Lady #1: “This pizza is so good. If the man who invented pizza walked by right now I’d bang him right here on these steps. And then take a nap.” Drunk Lady #2: “I keep missing my mouth. Why is this so hard? Hey, […]

Past Imperfect – #320

Wallace Beery, right: “You seem a bit out of sorts, my pet.” Joan Crawford, left: “Of course I’m out of sorts. Did you see how they treated me when we checked into this awful hotel? Wallace: “My dear, this is one of the most exquisite hotels in the […]

Past Imperfect – #224

Left to right… Mortified Maureen: “I cannot believe that you made me pee in the men’s bathroom. It was insulting and degrading and I’m never coming back here. And stop walking so fast! Just because you have legs longer than the Empire State Building doesn’t mean the rest […]

Fever Dream #45

In his delirium, he could not trust the color of the sun. He wanted to do so, of course, because one should be pleased with the hue of things that float in the sky. Otherwise, there is unhappiness and despondent status updates are made on social media. Still, […]

The Corona Chronology: Day 32

After the eye-opening exposé that had aired at Bonnywood Manor the previous night, concerning corncobs and lonely Saturday nights, it was difficult for actress Joan Crawford and director David Lean to keep a straight face whilst handing out the statuette for Best Supporting Actor. But they were professionals, […]

Past Imperfect – #472

Joan: “Look, I understand that you are upset, but there is absolutely no reason for you to be shoving your hand anywhere near my bosom. You’re not a casting director.” Cliff: “No, you don’t understand. I have been in the kitchen all day, sweating my ass off and […]