Bette Davis, left: “Hmm. Just as I suspected, the gardener did not trim the begonias as I instructed.” Joan Crawford, right: “How on Earth can you be thinking about flowers at a time like this? You are keeping me prisoner in this house as we both struggle through […]
Marjorie: “It says right here in your contract that no scenes will be filmed unless your face is properly lit.” Joan: “And why would you have an issue with that? Seems fair to me, since you’re just a supporting player and I’m the star.” Marjorie: “You are not […]
Joan: “What do you mean you won’t allow me to check in to this hotel?” Desk Clerk: “We have a strict policy against letting people into the building with eyebrows that are bigger than the Chrysler Building. It’s a structural issue, and we can’t jeopardize the safety of […]
Note: I just stumbled across this in the archives. Apparently, I was in a bit of a mood when I sat down at my laptop, which should surprise absolutely no one… 1. The people who turn left from the far-right lane. Without using a turn signal. Or slowing […]
On the set of “Hush, Hush, Sweet Charlotte”, 1964… Joan Crawford: “Bob, we really need to talk.” Robert Aldrich: “What is it now, Joan? Was the caviar on the craft services table not stellar enough?” Joan: “Very funny. No, you need to talk to the people who […]
Note: Herewith, we have another collaboration, this time with George at Trefology. I made the initial serve, George professionally lobbed back, and several matches later the court referee deemed our gameplay irresponsible and sent us to the penalty box to think about what we had done. Enjoy. […]
Joan: “Look, I understand that you are upset, but there is absolutely no reason for you to be shoving your hand anywhere near my bosom. You’re not a casting director.” Cliff: “No, you don’t understand. I have been in the kitchen all day, sweating my ass off and […]
In his delirium, he could not trust the color of the sun. He wanted to do so, of course, because one should be pleased with the hue of things that float in the sky. Otherwise, there is unhappiness and despondent status updates are made on social media. Still, […]
After a grueling twenty minutes of being on the film set with all the Little People, Joan retreats to her Personal Adoration Chamber for a few hours of reflection and self-worship… Originally published in “Crusty Pie” on 05/05/17. No changes made. You can order your own PAC […]
Joan: “Oh, my lover, you excite me so.” Cliff: “Really? That’s news to me. I’ve seen stronger signs of life at a mortuary.” Joan: “Oh, silly, this is such a romantic setting. How could I not be in the mood?” Cliff: “Romantic? This is a fake park bench […]
Bonnywood Manor 
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