Mary Pickford: “I’m sorry, what did you say?” Mirror: “I said that you really shouldn’t leave the house wearing such a mess. Especially if you plan to flop your hands around like that. You’re not six years old anymore, honey.” Mary: “But I’m America’s Sweetheart!” Mirror: “Well, you […]
Producer: “I just want to know what drugs you were taking when you came up with this promo shot. Because I want to make sure that I never take them myself.” PR Consultant: “But, isn’t this movie about a lost Italian princess who falls in love with Frosty […]
Joan: “Do you think the tree is a bit much?” Alfred: “I’m sorry. I couldn’t hear you over the crackling sounds of the plastic you insist be on these couches.” Joan: “The tree, darling. Is it overdone?” Alfred: “Compared to your acting? No.” Joan: “What could you possibly […]
The excited starlets study the publicity shot, and dissatisfaction ensues… Dorothy, left: “Why does my head seem to be photo-shopped before Photo Shop was invented? I look like a jacked-up Pez dispenser. And this gown does absolutely nothing for my hope chest. I put a lot of money […]
Joan: “Look, I understand that you are upset, but there is absolutely no reason for you to be shoving your hand anywhere near my bosom. You’re not a casting director.” Cliff: “No, you don’t understand. I have been in the kitchen all day, sweating my ass off and […]
Bette: “Hmm. Just as I suspected, the gardener did not trim the begonias as I instructed.” Joan: “How on Earth can you be thinking about flowers at a time like this? You are keeping me prisoner in this house as we both struggle through a movie script that […]
Editor’s Note: I just stumbled across this in the archives. Apparently I was in a bit of a mood when I wrote this… 1. The people who turn left from the far-right lane. Without using a turn signal. Or slowing down. Or even understanding what a turn is. […]
Marjorie: “It says right here in your contract that no scenes will be filmed unless your face is properly lit.” Joan: “And why would you have an issue with that? Seems fair to me, since you’re just a supporting player and I’m the star.” Marjorie: “You are not […]
On the set of Hush, Hush, Sweet Charlotte… Joan Crawford: “Bob, we really need to talk.” Robert Aldrich: “What is it now, Joan? Was the caviar on the craft services table not stellar enough?” Joan: “Very funny. No, you need to talk to the people who are doing […]
She changed her name from Lucille LeSueur (rather pleasant sounding, one would think, even if it does make some folks think of canned peas) to Joan Crawford (which is not pleasant at all, hinting of a matronly official who is not pleased about anything). Then she posed for […]
Bonnywood Manor 
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