It was a really swell evening at the nightclub until Humphrey apparently became distracted… Lauren: “If you’re looking for the drink menu, that’s not where it is.” Humphrey: “Well, something is there. Have you seen this?” Lauren: “Who hasn’t? Still, put your eyeballs back in, here come […]
Casting Director, confused: “Okay, what exactly are you trying to say with this photo in your portfolio? It comes across as a little… odd. Help me out a bit.” Jean, auditioning: “Well, I was conveying my glamorous side and showing that I can do high-society roles. I can […]
A biography, in snippets… Barbara Joan Streisand, day one, dripping wet: “Hello!” Ida, mother, catching her breath after the nexus exodus, looking down: “Meh. Maybe the next one will be prettier.” Barbara: “But I can sing and dance and crack jokes!” Ida: “That’s nice. Here, play with […]
During the current lockdown/shelter-in-place/do-the-right-thing stasis in our lives, one of the things I do miss is heading out to a local restaurant, where somebody else makes the food and cleans the dishes, and all I have to do is shove things in my mouth. On the flip side, […]
Monty, lower: “Thank you for using our Touchless Delivery Service.” Kate, upper: “As if I had any choice. This wretched caramba-virus has made a mess of things.” Monty: “It’s corona.” Kate: “What! I didn’t order any beer. How absurd. I have never stooped to such levels of depravity […]
Note: As the lockdown continues for some of us, whilst others are allowed to run free and get tattoos and manicures because their state governors don’t understand basic health science, it’s possible that some of us might be experiencing delusions due to the discombobulations. I pulled this one […]
After the eye-opening exposé that had aired at Bonnywood Manor the previous night, concerning corncobs and lonely Saturday nights, it was difficult for actress Joan Crawford and director David Lean to keep a straight face whilst handing out the statuette for Best Supporting Actor. But they were professionals, […]
Note: During these troubling times with the pernicious pandemic, wherein we are all cloistering in place, we sometimes learn things we didn’t really want to know about each other, as evidenced by this dusty dialogue from the archives… Past Imperfect – #181 William: “What the hell […]
Reporter: “Thank you for agreeing to do this interview, Baby Jane.” Bette Davis, still in her Baby Jane makeup years after said film was filmed, because that mess is hard to scrape off, left: “The pleasure is all mine. As long as you stay on the other side […]
The Housewives of Self-Centered City react to the horrifying news that hair salons are still not considered essential services and will remain closed for at least two more weeks. Later that afternoon, they slip out of their houses (wearing hats, of course, but no masks) and join a […]
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