Ramon, left: “My love, I don’t quite understand why my affections don’t have you on the verge of ovulation.” Evelyn, right: “Really? Well, let me help you out a bit, although I’m not quite sure where to start. Oh, screw that, let’s start with you doing everything you […]
Willy, left: “I heard what people are saying about the wretched thing you did, and I just want you to know that I’m here for you, even if you really did the wretched thing. Because friends support friends, especially if that supporting involves one of the friends holding […]
Barbara: “My goodness, Mr. Fonda, you seem to be clutching my hand with lusty intention. Was it something I said?” Henry: “Well, no. It’s not what you’re saying. It’s what you’re wearing.” Barbara: “Oh, this little number? It’s merely something I threw together at the last minute. The […]
Virginia: “Why didn’t you take the trash out like I asked you to do?” Robert: “Why are you asking me this right now? I’m in the middle of a dramatic profile shot that will make me look naughty but sexy.” Virginia: “So it’s all about you, once again.” […]
George: “I’m so happy to finally have you in my arms.” Janet: “Oh, is that what you’re calling these things that are encircling my virginal body with an intensity that I can’t fully appreciate? For some reason, the phrase ‘death claws’ comes to mind.” George: “Whatever do you […]
Fred, left: “I’m sorry to intrude, but I just found these undergarments in the hallway, and I thought I might inquire as to whether or not you might wish to claim ownership.” Melvyn, center: “Good God, man. Why so many words? Couldn’t you have just asked ‘are these […]
Left to right… Drunk Lady #1: “This pizza is so good. If the man who invented pizza walked by right now I’d bang him right here on these steps. And then take a nap.” Drunk Lady #2: “I keep missing my mouth. Why is this so hard? Hey, […]
Dusty archives, once again… 1. Saying “excuse me” when you sneeze, even though no one else is in the room. That’s very polite of you. It’s also slightly neurotic. But that’s okay. As long as you keep that natural reflex going, you’ll be sure to apologize at more […]
Another dusty relic from the archives. I realize I should spend less time excavating and more time creating, but there’s a certain warmth in looking back and remembering when. Enjoy. In yet another example of having too much time on my hands, I once embarked on a […]
Carole was a bit troubled. That last things she could firmly recall in the fevered menagerie of her mind was that she had spent a quiet evening at home, enjoying a bit of stir-fry based on a recipe a neighbor had handed her during one of those awkward […]
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