Ramon: “My love, I don’t quite understand why my affections don’t have you on the verge of ovulation.” Evelyn: “Really? Well, let me help you out a bit, although I’m not quite sure where to start. Oh, screw that, let’s start with you doing everything you can to […]
Cary: “You know, there are rumors about me being gay, especially when it comes to playing slap and tickle with a certain roommate I had back in the day.” Jimmy: “Well, there are rumors about me refusing to play slap and tickle with certain socialites with far too […]
Carole, reviewing the proposed advertisement: “Don’t you find this to be a little bit… insipid?” Carole’s Agent: “Of course not. Don’t all women want to be dainty and clean? This ad is doing a public service, really.” Carole: “Oh, please. Like women don’t know how to sluice the […]
The blockbuster hit that Harvey Weinstein didn’t see coming. (In Cinerama!) Originally posted in “Crusty Pie” on 10/31/17.
1. Who are all these strange people sleeping on your couches? Granted, some of them look a little familiar, so they could actually be invited guests who decided they might not be in the best condition to get on the nation’s highways. But it’s hard to tell. Let’s […]
Mary, left: “I’m so excited about getting to be in a Mack Sennett picture!” Marie, right: “Oh, is that what we’re doing? I thought I was waiting in line to get past the velvet rope at a Steampunk-Goth nightclub.” Mary: “That means nothing to me. But I will […]
Amazon Operator: “How may I direct your call?” Katharine: “I need to speak with someone about my order.” Operator: “May I ask about the nature of your concern?” Katharine: “They sent me the wrong thing, that’s my concern.” Operator: “I see. And what were you expecting to get?” […]
Note: I finally broke down and started paying someone to take care of the yard, having fretted previously about justifying the expense. Turns out this was one of the best decisions, ever, and the joy of not having to screw with all that mess is indescribable. But […]
Katharine, left: “I can’t believe that this has happened.” Elizabeth, right: “That somebody let you out of your house wearing a Bea Arthur outfit?” Katharine: “No, that somebody designed a bra that makes your breasts look like that.” Elizabeth: “But I’m not even wearing a bra.” Katharine: “Oh, […]
Fred had no idea if Barbara was telling the truth about that thing he was supposed to be investigating, but he was fairly certain that if she uncrossed her legs at this moment it would be quite obvious that she had little concern for undergarment propriety. Barbara: “I […]
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