Ernie: “Well, would you look at that. Those fancy Hollywood reporters are following us into the woods cuz they think we’re somethin’ special.” Addie Mae: “Sugar, they ain’t reporters. Them are dentists lookin’ for some revenue cuz Obamacare says they got to do some actual work if they […]
10 Odd Things about This Photo 1. The birthday-cake hat. You can’t miss it, might as well get it out of the way. What the hell is she going to do when some drunk fool tries to take a Zippo to those candles? (“Come on, baby, let me […]
Note: This is an ongoing story concerning my experience as a potential juror. You can find the beginning of the story here… Jane Hathaway suddenly makes a squeak of discovery, releases my horrified arm, and races off to the comfort station that she has just spotted down […]
1. The constant nipple protrusion. When the temperature drops, my hi-beams come on. For hours at a time. And with an intensity that is mildly frightening. Some of my shirts are so lacerated at pec level that it looks like Edward Scissorhands dropped by for a drunken game […]
1. Car manufacturers will finally develop a special button for your dashboard which, when pushed, will cause the car in front of you at the drive-thru ATM, wherein the occupant is taking forever to make a simple transaction, to be hurled into the blazing hell of the sun. […]
Note: One, this was originally written right after a certain American political event in 2016. Two, for those who are not interested in such, this post is not about politics. (Relax.) Three, one of the plot points involves a sub-story that I just shared recently. Mea culpa for […]
Once upon a time, there was a man who had managed to amass a considerable number of wives, because government officials didn’t pay any attention to what was going on in Utah until it was too late. At first, his cavalcade of concubines had proved exceedingly satisfactory, as […]
As a child, there was a stretch when I had an infatuation with fortune cookies. I was old enough to read, but young enough to readily believe in the lies that society will tell you. We didn’t go to Chinese restaurants all that often, as some of the […]
And so it was As I pondered tonight What should I post What should I write Many folks are busy With kith and with kin Anything I scribble Will hit the dust bin Unseen and forlorn Lost in the fray Of folks celebrating The spirit […]
Off-camera person that we cannot see because this shot was poorly planned: “Excuse me. Do you have time for a few questions?” Brian, center: “That depends. Who are you and why are you holding a microphone?” Person: “My name is Humadora von Swizzlestick. But you can call me […]
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