Dear Guests, Patrons and People Who Think They Can Sing but They Really Shouldn’t, “Thank you for joining us on yet another night of Bonnywood’s Annual Cultural Arts Festival and Bacchanalia. I’m sure a few of you are beginning to wonder if this festival will ever end, […]
Dear Guests, Patrons and People Who Would Much Rather Be Anywhere Else but They’ve Already Paid for Their Tickets and They Might as Well Get Some Free Shrimp Dip Out of It, “Thank you for joining us on yet another night of Bonnywood’s Annual Cultural Arts Festival […]
1. She used your middle name when screaming from another room that you needed to report to her immediately. 2. Dead silence on her end of the line when you called her at work for the twenty-seventh time in one afternoon. 3. Proclaiming at dinner that you don’t […]
1. You become aroused simply walking through the produce section of the supermarket. (Stay away from the cucumbers and the carrots. And you might want to avoid the gourds as well, because some of those raised bumps can look very interesting.) 2. You seem to be having too […]
Note: This is another patient file from my “Idiot Fondue” blog, wherein I posed as a pompous therapist of little relevance (except in his own mind), responding to whimsical questions submitted by actual followers. Enjoy. Dear Dr. Brian, I know you are very busy and are […]
Much to her dismay, Irene’s powerful interpretive dance about the mating habits of the Balinese Freckled Stork failed to impress her fellow passengers, and she was shunned later that evening in the First Class Dining Room. Undeterred, because she had been bred with premium-stock Connecticut money, she marched […]
1. Trying to stonewash my own jeans, using bleach, because buying the real thing was too damn expensive. (And failing miserably with the home-school fashion update, reducing the denim to the consistency of mosquito netting.) 2. Playing “Quarters” with my college peeps, never pausing to consider that it […]
Note: This is one installment of a blog series I ran several years ago, wherein our petite heroine is chronicling the many ways in which lip gloss has saved her life. This is her second journal entry… 2. Lip Gloss brought me closer to Jesus. It’s not […]
University of Tulsa. 1984, maybe 1985. Let’s call it the winter of 84-85, because it was cold. Inhumanely cold. Certain death if not adequately protected while outside, that sort of cold. I’m sure the lovely folks in Canada would scoff at our misery, judging us as inferior amateurs […]
I’m working on my blog, minding my own business, on a Sunday afternoon. The phone rings. It’s Terry. He’s calling from Odessa, where he and the brother and sister that are still on speaking terms are taking care of family business. There is no telling what this might […]
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