Mary Pickford: “I’m sorry, what did you say?” Mirror: “I said that you really shouldn’t leave the house wearing such a mess. Especially if you plan to flop your hands around like that. You’re not six years old anymore, honey.” Mary: “But I’m America’s Sweetheart!” Mirror: “Well, you […]
Jimmy: “I’m sorry, what did you just ask?” Maggie: “Where is your Husband Department?” Jimmy: “Are you trying to find the Men’s clothing section?” Maggie: “No, Husband. I need a new one.” Jimmy: “May I inquire as to what’s wrong with the old one?” Maggie: “He’s just not […]
Alyssa was done with this mess, and she had no qualms about sharing her thoughts on the matter with her mother. “Why are you dragging me through these stupid woods?” Mother had an equal lack of qualms. “Because you’ve done some dumb-ass things lately and you need to […]
1. Lik-A-Stix This treasure came in the form of three connected paper pouches, filled with what was essentially colored and flavored sugar, and then this long, flat “stick” that looked like somebody had stepped on a piece of chalk and flattened it. You took the stick, tore the […]
Later that night, the sisters at Saint Expulsia’s Convent of Cloistered Celibates were unable to sleep, probably because someone had put just a little too much sugar in the tapioca pudding served at the Chastity Dinner earlier that night. Bored and vibrating, they gathered in Sister Socialita’s spartan […]
Left to right… George: “Pray tell me, fellow Unbobble Heads, what am I looking at down there? Is that one of those orange-topped warthogs I read about in National Spyrographic?” Tom: “Uh, no. Wrong species, but close. That’s a Trump.” Teddy: “A trump? What the hell is that? […]
And here we have one of the earliest known celebrations of marriage equality in America, with everyone quite pleased. Except for that sole Republican guy in the upper middle right, who is running for Congress in Oklahoma and has just realized that this snapshot might bode ill for […]
This is how one turns to a life of crime and indiscretion: When your older sisters force you to wear ridiculous costumes and then torment you further by laughing uproariously, despite their inability to arrange Grandma Bennett’s heirloom china in a proper table setting. The day will come, […]
Note: Okay, fessing a little, I DID try wearing contacts way back in the day, like 1983, when they were these hard, inflexible buttons that you basically had to glue to your eyeball and you couldn’t really close your eyelids comfortably when they hit that damn speed […]
Note: I’ve missed the anniversary date by a few days, but five years ago, late on the night before an anticipated ruling by the Supreme Court that could potentially change the concept of equality in America, I scribbled out this little parable, with fingers crossed… Mommy: “The end. […]
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