Click here to peruse the first part of this story… Amazingly, the confession session with Mom did not turn out to be nearly as brutal as I had anticipated. After all, in the previous fifteen minutes, I had bellowed rude and hateful things in her general direction, […]
Once upon a time, my family had a woody. (How’s that for a vague but potentially questionable opening line?) In the interests of fair disclosure and the avoidance of retroactive investigations by Child Protective Services, I should point out that the “woody” in this case refers to a […]
Director: “Has anybody seen Marlon? I need him on the set.” Bitter Scriptwriter: “Why does he have to be here? My words are superb. Anybody could do this scene, assuming that they can read.” Not-bitter Production Assistant who still believed that she could bed The Brando given the […]
As I’ve often fully admitted, my mind boomerangs. I see one thing, and I’m reminded of another thing, which leads to even more things and, before I can stop the pinball, my mind-stream has taken me to a tropical island far distant from the one upon which I […]
Editor’s Note: As a companion piece to my recent paean to the mood swings of a Chinese Buffet experience, here is an older ode exemplifying the writer’s obsessive thoughts concerning a new breakfast option at a local cafeteria-style chain… 1. The fact that Luby’s even serves breakfast. […]
Jane: “I feel compelled to report an issue with my accommodations.” Hairaldo: “You look like you are compelled about a lot of things. And why is your dress stapled to your bosom?” Jane: “That’s not important. I didn’t sleep well at all last night.” Hairaldo: “Did you remember […]
Evan wiped away a tear, the wetness and the action long unfamiliar. “I didn’t know. How could we have been so wrong?” Maggie sighed, action familiar, constant over the years. “Because we were stupid. We wanted to blame her and we did. It was easier than blaming ourselves.” […]
The narrator on the nature documentary is speaking in a hushed but soothing baritone… “As expected, the attendees at the national convention of a certain religious organization refused to take their blinders off. Otherwise, they would be forced to see the effects of hypocrisy and the cherry-picking of […]
Ed, Professional Hoofer from New Jersey: “And for the last bit of the dance finale, do this little side kick and shake your moneymaker like it’s on fire.” Starlet #1, far left: “You mean our moneymakers. Plural. They generally come in a boxed set.” Ed: “No, I mean […]
Another questionable treasure from the archives… 1. The name game. You’re standing there with people you have known all your life, talking about other people you have known all your life, and suddenly you can’t remember the name of your first cousin that you have known all […]
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