Gunnar, left: “Okay, help me understand why you’re acting this way.” Eva, right: “You couldn’t possibly grasp my needs. You’re a man, I’m a woman. Different worlds.” Gunnar: “Really? So my ownership of a penis precludes me from any value in this relationship?” Eva: “Essentially. You willfully choose […]
Evelyn: “What on earth are you doing in my apartment? And why are you holding my diaphragm case?” Inspector: “Is that what this is? I thought maybe you were collecting those little Jewish hats. But since we’re on the subject, why is this case encrusted with rhinestones?” Evelyn: […]
Kent, left: “My darling, you seem troubled.” Mae, right: “Well, I suppose there’s something I should tell you, but I don’t think you’ll like it.” Kent: “You know I love you eternally. There’s nothing you can say that will make me unhappy.” Mae: “It’s just that… well, you […]
Whoopi: “Hello?” Voice on phone: “Yes, could I speak to the lady of the house?” Whoopi: “We don’t have a lady of the house. We have a wretched, spoiled woman with no soul or sense of shame.” Voice: “Perfect! That’s just the type of person that interests me.” […]
Bjorn, left: “Well, I hear that those wretched Americans are coming down out of the hills of Cómpeta and headed to Malaga.” Torvik, right: “Those words make me weep with inconsolable abandon. Why must they torture us so?” Bjorn: “Now, now. We have to give the poor things […]
2000 B.C. – 999 A.D.: The Native Americans live peaceably for thousands of years. Sure, a few of the tribes were a bit violent, but this pales in comparison to the religious persecutions that were all the rage in the Old World. (“I have the religious right to […]
1. “Is there a particular reason why you can’t unload the dishwasher? Is it a religious issue?” 2. “That button on the DVR remote that says ‘Delete All’? What happens if you accidentally push that? And what happens if I’m the one who pushed it?” 3. “You think […]
Howdy, folks. How y’all doin’? Good to hear. Listen, me and the mister finally made our way out of the high-ass elevation of Pecos, New Mexico and down to the flat-ass no elevation of Dallas, Texas, rumbling into Bonnywood Manor all dusty and cranky. (Ain’t nuthin’ gonna test […]
Innocent Bystander #1: “Are you seeing what I’m seeing?” Innocent Bystander #2: “If you mean a giant Donald Duck ass-up in the street, yes.” IB #1: “Does this happen a lot around here?” IB #2: “It’s New York City. You don’t question anything. You just hope that whatever […]
And another Trumpican announces his bid for public office… Note: This is part of an on-going experiment at Bonnywood. Details found here.
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