Dear Guests, Patrons and People Who Just Show Up for the Free Booze, Thank you for joining us here at Bonnywood for our Annual Cultural Arts Festival and Bacchanalia. To kick off this evening’s events, we’ll be reviewing the first submission in our esteemed 3-Word Challenge, an […]
Cherub on the Left: “What the hell is she doing?” Cherub on the Right: “By the looks of it, orgasming.” Left: “From just a spritz? We should all be so lucky. I wonder what’s in the bottle?” Right: “Whatever it is, I’m sure it doesn’t smell like her […]
1. You become aroused simply walking through the produce section of the supermarket. (Stay away from the cucumbers and the carrots. And you might want to avoid the gourds as well, because some of those raised bumps can look very interesting.) 2. You seem to be having too […]
Much to her dismay, Irene’s powerful interpretive dance about the mating habits of the Balinese Freckled Stork failed to impress her fellow passengers, and she was shunned later that evening in the First Class Dining Room. Undeterred, because she had been bred with premium-stock Connecticut money, she marched […]
Apparently, I did not perform enough penance during my last bout with The Crud, and It has penetrated once again my Fortress of Solitude. This round has been a milder version, so there’s that, but it’s still annoying as hell and I’m just not feeling it when it […]
Firstly, I feel it is my moral duty to point out that this post is not about any of the salacious imagery some of you may have imagined upon reading the title. Normally, I wouldn’t feel compelled to make this disclaimer (after all, I am the most chaste […]
Theresa: “Okay, I finally finished up on this homemade valentine that you insisted I make for your husband and… are you even listening to me?” Marlene: “Of course I’m listening to you, darling, I’m just not looking at you.” Theresa: “You don’t think that’s rude? I spent all […]
Note: In the commentary for my Redneck Valentines post, “someone” asked about cards and stories for folks who are NOT in a relationship on Valentine’s Day. Well, I just so happened to have this in the archives… Jeanne: “Hello, Tree. I’m here once again, sharing my thoughts, […]
“I love you more than beer.” “You complete my bobble-head collection.” “You tractor-pulled my heart.” “Your eyes sparkle like moonshine.” “You are the prettiest girl in the Wal-Marts parking lot.” “I love you like a sister. Oh wait…” “Love means never havin’ to say which one of them […]
I’m working on my blog, minding my own business, on a Sunday afternoon. The phone rings. It’s Terry. He’s calling from Odessa, where he and the brother and sister that are still on speaking terms are taking care of family business. There is no telling what this might […]
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