Tag: Relationships

Past Imperfect – #285

Edmund: “Here we go, love. Smile for the cameraman.” Millie: “I’m so excited to be going on our honeymoon!” Edmund: “Me as well. We finally get to consummate our relationship, my poodle.” Millie: “Well, about that. It won’t be happening.” Edmund: “But we’ve just gotten married, precious. We […]

Past Imperfect – #96

A study in double entendres from the archives, wherein everyone is saying one thing and meaning another…   Noel began to wonder if his marriage was on the rocks once his wife began to taunt him with smoking implements during breakfast. Naturally, this prospect initially troubled him, as […]

Past Imperfect – #137

Stephanie was not having a very good day. She had arisen that morning later than she had planned, the unintended but not surprising result of having spent much of the previous evening on an ill-fated agenda of clearing the sexual cobwebs, so to speak. (It had been three […]

Past Imperfect – #113

The progressive crowd at this trendy Greenwich Village nightclub was thrilled when Millicent and Penelope dared to openly show their love in a public setting. In reality, there was no showing, there was only Millie’s brooch becoming ensnared in Penny’s décolletage as they both raced to get the […]

Idiot Fondue: Case Study – #30

Yet another sordid patient analysis from my days as an un-certified pseudo-psychologist with focus issues…   Dear Dr. Brian,   How does one begin the “excessive nose hair” conversation with one’s new boyfriend? Perplexed, Wilhelmina   Dear Perp, First, I’d like to extend to you my deepest sympathies, […]

Past Imperfect – #358

Mae: “You know, something just occurred to me.” Jimmy: “And what are your thoughts, my special lady of the evening? Are you rapturously satisfied after my stellar boudoir performance?” Mae: “Oh. Did we have sex? I didn’t realize. Perhaps I was distracted.” Jimmy: “Surely you are at least […]

Past Imperfect – #401

Gretchen, far left, whispering to Mildred, near left: “Don’t you think there’s something a bit off about this formation?” Mildred: “Whatever do you mean? We’re lined up quite nicely and that small boy over there is already running off to let everyone know that we are promenading in […]

Present Tense – #13

And so it finally came to pass that the little hamlet must be demolished in the name of Progress. Before anyone rises up in a spasm of indignation at the outrageous abuse of Eminent Domain, I should point out that I am speaking of the Christmas Village which, […]

Past Imperfect – #564

Larry: “What fresh hell is this?” Jennie: “It appears that an army of photographers is aware of the fact that we were having a meeting with a marriage counselor. I wonder how that might have happened, He Who Can’t Keep His Mouth Shut.” Larry: “I assure you I […]