Henry was somewhat regretting his decision. After all, he hadn’t been here for years. Decades, possibly. Time skitters once you reach a certain age, with current happenings briefly shimmering in the neck of the wine bottle, but once you uncork, the vessel of memory expands and long ago […]
I’m normally not one to get mushy and sentimental when it comes to my personal relationships, at least here at Bonnywood. Sure, Partner is mentioned from time to time, but I generally steer clear of composing lyrical ballads filled with swooning passion or sharing quasi-intimate photos of us […]
Note: Change the pronouns around however you like to fit the dynamics of your own relationship. This is an equal-opportunity whine-fest, and all variations of love are fully embraced here at Bonnywood Manor. 1. He changes the car radio right in the middle of a song that […]
I tried to wash that man right out of my hair, just like the song says, but I ran into a few complications. One, I couldn’t find the right shampoo at Walgreen’s. (Exactly what ingredient should you look for? Essence of Man-Gone? Botanical Banishment? Pregnancy-Scare Prunes?) Somebody really […]
Lady on the Left: “Wow. That’s some really interesting needlepoint you’re doing there.” Lady on the Right: “Why, thank you. I’m making a commemorative swatch of the night I killed my husband.” Left: “How fascinating. May I ask a question?” Right: “Of course. I just admitted to taking […]
In the early Twentieth Century, women were not allowed to purchase lingerie without the participation of an advisory committee, with at least two members wearing annoying hats during the proceedings. At Greta Jean’s Emporium of Chastely Coverings (“Helping Privates Remain Private since 1873!”), we join a group of […]
Rose: “Remember when we were young and we carved our names into this sled to show our eternal love?” Bud: “I sure do, honey. It was a magical moment.” Rose: “Well, the magic is dead now. And the love is no longer eternal. I want a divorce.” Bud: […]
Norma: “Come into my arms, my love. Let me show my world to you.” Director: “Cut! Norma, you’re off script. And why do you look like you’re one morphine drip away from a sanitarium? You’re supposed to be on the verge of rapturous love-making with the man that […]
1. Do not tell people that you are my beloved until this has been fully discussed between us and official documents have been signed. Likewise, do not update your relationship status on any social media app without the proper coordination. This is something that we should do together, […]
Edmund: “Here we go, love. Smile for the cameraman.” Millie: “I’m so excited to be going on our honeymoon!” Edmund: “Me as well. We finally get to consummate our relationship, my poodle.” Millie: “Well, about that. It won’t be happening.” Edmund: “But we’ve just gotten married, precious. We […]
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