Norma: “Come into my arms, my love. Let me show my world to you.” Director: “Cut! Norma, you’re off script. And why do you look like you’re one morphine drip away from a sanitarium? You’re supposed to be on the verge of rapturous love-making with the man that […]
1. Do not tell people that you are my beloved until this has been fully discussed between us and official documents have been signed. Likewise, do not update your relationship status on any social media app without the proper coordination. This is something that we should do together, […]
Edmund: “Here we go, love. Smile for the cameraman.” Millie: “I’m so excited to be going on our honeymoon!” Edmund: “Me as well. We finally get to consummate our relationship, my poodle.” Millie: “Well, about that. It won’t be happening.” Edmund: “But we’ve just gotten married, precious. We […]
A study in double entendres from the archives, wherein everyone is saying one thing and meaning another… Noel began to wonder if his marriage was on the rocks once his wife began to taunt him with smoking implements during breakfast. Naturally, this prospect initially troubled him, as […]
Stephanie was not having a very good day. She had arisen that morning later than she had planned, the unintended but not surprising result of having spent much of the previous evening on an ill-fated agenda of clearing the sexual cobwebs, so to speak. (It had been three […]
The progressive crowd at this trendy Greenwich Village nightclub was thrilled when Millicent and Penelope dared to openly show their love in a public setting. In reality, there was no showing, there was only Millie’s brooch becoming ensnared in Penny’s décolletage as they both raced to get the […]
Yet another sordid patient analysis from my days as an un-certified pseudo-psychologist with focus issues… Dear Dr. Brian, How does one begin the “excessive nose hair” conversation with one’s new boyfriend? Perplexed, Wilhelmina Dear Perp, First, I’d like to extend to you my deepest sympathies, […]
Mae: “You know, something just occurred to me.” Jimmy: “And what are your thoughts, my special lady of the evening? Are you rapturously satisfied after my stellar boudoir performance?” Mae: “Oh. Did we have sex? I didn’t realize. Perhaps I was distracted.” Jimmy: “Surely you are at least […]
Gretchen, far left, whispering to Mildred, near left: “Don’t you think there’s something a bit off about this formation?” Mildred: “Whatever do you mean? We’re lined up quite nicely and that small boy over there is already running off to let everyone know that we are promenading in […]
And so it finally came to pass that the little hamlet must be demolished in the name of Progress. Before anyone rises up in a spasm of indignation at the outrageous abuse of Eminent Domain, I should point out that I am speaking of the Christmas Village which, […]
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