First there was this, one morning, with the sun still newborn Beckoning quaintly, softly, painted on a rock wall No flashy billboards in this quiet mountain town, stuffed with garishness Fake smiles filled with fake teeth, techno beats from advertising dances Here they keep it simple. This is […]
Pablo de Pato, surveying his kingdom, spotted the interloping tourists unloading their SUV outside the nearby villa. All of them were very chatty and exuberant, traits that were not necessarily favored in this sun-baked land. It was now necessary to protect the realm, and steps must be taken. […]
And so it was That we got on a plane With all that associated pain The suckage was, indeed, fierce The layovers, the lay-abouts, the lackadaisicality Of humans behaving badly (And not caring) Finally, the madness ended And there were no more interminable lines Only a car, arranged, […]
Fair disclosure: We’re actually flying TO Spain and not FROM Mexico later today, but I thought this little rant from years ago was still appropriate. After all, some things never change. Enjoy. 1. Okay, hold up, all you heathens thundering toward the frightened ticket-taker at the gate. They’re […]
Ramon: “My love, I don’t quite understand why my affections don’t have you on the verge of ovulation.” Evelyn: “Really? Well, let me help you out a bit, although I’m not quite sure where to start. Oh, screw that, let’s start with you doing everything you can to […]
Dear Diary, I am a wretched and horrible human being. Oh wait, perhaps I should catch you up a bit. You see, once upon a time, I was having a delightful digital conversation with the lovely Embeecee (otherwise known as the Once and Future Queen of Utah, long […]
Cary: “You know, there are rumors about me being gay, especially when it comes to playing slap and tickle with a certain roommate I had back in the day.” Jimmy: “Well, there are rumors about me refusing to play slap and tickle with certain socialites with far too […]
Carole, reviewing the proposed advertisement: “Don’t you find this to be a little bit… insipid?” Carole’s Agent: “Of course not. Don’t all women want to be dainty and clean? This ad is doing a public service, really.” Carole: “Oh, please. Like women don’t know how to sluice the […]
The blockbuster hit that Harvey Weinstein didn’t see coming. (In Cinerama!) Originally posted in “Crusty Pie” on 10/31/17.
1. Who are all these strange people sleeping on your couches? Granted, some of them look a little familiar, so they could actually be invited guests who decided they might not be in the best condition to get on the nation’s highways. But it’s hard to tell. Let’s […]
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