These were considered appropriate Halloween costumes in the early 1900s. How can you sleep peacefully after seeing this? No wonder Sigmund Freud was in his heyday during this time. (Sometimes a cigar is just a woman exploding out of a giant mushroom whilst a forefather of Duck Dynasty […]
Mop-Etta: “Do you really love me?” Gene: “With all of my heart, because that’s what the lyrics in this song say.” Mop-Etta: “But you understand that we can never have children because, well, I don’t have any lower organs.” Gene: “It doesn’t matter, my floor-cleansing beauty. We can […]
Mary, left: “Why on earth are you banging on my door at such a socially-unacceptable hour?” Bette, right: “Don’t play coy with me. I’ve known for months that my husband has been cheating on me. I just didn’t know where or who, so I hired a detective and […]
The doorbell rings. Terry opens the door to find Little Tiffy standing there. “Can Brian come out to play?” “No.” “Why not?” “Because he’s busy.” “Doing what?” “I don’t know. Some kind of writing project thing.” “What’s that?” “A writing project. Where he writes. What grade are you […]
Note: Okay, fessing a little, I DID try wearing contacts way back in the day, like 1983, when they were these hard, inflexible buttons that you basically had to glue to your eyeball and you couldn’t really close your eyelids comfortably when they hit that damn speed […]
1. “I am king of this box. And my rule will be unstoppable. Anyone who questions my authority will find a mangled cricket on their pillow tonight.” 2. “Why are you asking me to smile? Our people smile for no one.” 3. “Don’t you dare come at me […]
Sadie is very, very happy. Sadie is also very, very drunk. Behind her, Baby Sadie (so named because Momma Sadie had focus issues when it came time to fill out that birth certificate) is just realizing that she will once again have to find a nice gentleman to […]
Professor Eugene Oregonus is a member of the tenured faculty at The University for People Who Can Actually Afford to Go Here. As such, with that “tenured” angle, just like Supreme Court justices who are worthless but somehow got the promotion, he can say whatever he wants without […]
Brian, left: “What the hell are you doing? I’m standing here looking incredibly sexy even though there seems to be something neutered going on with my pants.” Mary, right: “I’m just so fed up with people I want to scream and bang on something loud.” Brian: “Okay. Are […]
Fair Warning: I get a bit cranky with this one. (And for those of you unfamiliar with Wal-Mart, just envision “discount store where you might run into people who don’t have their priorities in order”.) 1. The Parking Lot If a given vehicle is such a supreme piece […]
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