As Zelda walked into the Gamma Bamma Slamma sorority house for her interview, she was not at all disturbed by the exuberant smoking, the obvious fact that none of them had a professional stylist, or even the aura of possible lesbianism. She was, however, a bit concerned that […]
Kim: “Now, Marlon, let’s not jump to conclusions here.” Marlon: “How can I not jump? I come home from a hard day’s work of looking sexy as hell on the streets of New Orleans and I find this!” Kim: “It’s not what you think.” Marlon: “Well, I think […]
1. The inability to think. It’s hard to concentrate when your eyeballs are sizzling in your skull. When you’re sitting there in the car with your partner, trying not to move because merely blinking your eyes can cause you to break out into a sweat, even with the […]
Note: Exactly two years ago, late on the night before an anticipated ruling by the Supreme Court that could potentially change the concept of equality in America, I scribbled out this little parable, with fingers crossed… Mommy: “The end. Now, wasn’t that a lovely fairy tale?” Sally: “Well…” […]
Yes, Colleen was dismayed to learn that her beau had fallen under the spell of that harlot from her Garden Club. Luckily, Colleen had recently installed a lovely contraption wherein all she had to do was pull the rope to her left and the home-wrecking vixen would plummet […]
1. Frigi-Daze The concept of opening the refrigerator and staring forlornly at the contents, unable to make a decision about what it is that you want to shove into your mouth. You know you want something, voices are speaking to you, calling your name, but the language is […]
On the down side, Natasha never did figure out why men found her intimidating. On the up side, she eventually had a lucrative career as a spokesmodel for a tamale factory in Escondido…
Vivien, the Actress, playing a proper British Southerner: “Well, I declare. I am outraged at your suggestion.” Clark, the Actor, playing whatever role brought the best paycheck: “Frankly, my dear, you’re always outraged.” Victor, the Director (well, the director once they canned George Cukor): “Aw, geez, my ulcer […]
And then the day arrived when a thoughtful friend presented me with this lovely t-shirt, a thing I cherish. It’s the gift that keeps on giving, especially when you are forced to attend a gathering where there are far too many gatherers. It lets the personal-space invaders know […]
Yep, the rising feline star receives actual fan mail from time to time, a clear indication that we have some folks who might need to get out of the house a little more. I thought it was only appropriate that Scotch respond to these missives, since these folks […]
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