1. “I knew there were going to be issues when they told me I had to light both ends of the baton before I could twirl it.” 2. “Does anyone have a really big truck that can haul something the size of a small elephant? Oh, and I […]
Note: This piece is in response to some comment threads on a post I shared a few days ago. It’s been lurking in one of my draft folders for years, awaiting the time when it felt right to let it go. I think that time is now. Enjoy. […]
They showed up. They got their trophies. Discussion ensued. Lurlene, left, lovingly: “These cups are so pretty, just like me. Aren’t you excited that we won?” Raychelle, right, wretchedly: “It’s about as exciting as a bowel movement. We were both bound to have one today.” Lurlene, peevishly: “Don’t […]
It wasn’t until later in the evening that Philip and Marnie learned the consequences of over-indulging in the cabbage soup on the buffet line at the St. Agnes Social. Sadly, this turbulent revelation came at a most inopportune time, just as Sister Mary Edna took the stage to […]
Note: This post is from three years ago, so it’s a bit dated, but my thoughts are relatively the same. Enjoy. It’s not a shocking revelation to say the blogging world is filled with creatures great and small, bless those beasts and children. What might surprise you, […]
Joan: “Look, I understand that you are upset, but there is absolutely no reason for you to be shoving your hand anywhere near my bosom. You’re not a casting director.” Cliff: “No, you don’t understand. I have been in the kitchen all day, sweating my ass off and […]
1. Avoid social interactions with questionable relatives. Yes, you do have to offer an initial greeting to everyone that you see, this is only polite, but your line of responsibility ends there. Once you have achieved this basic fake show of happiness that you have seen them once […]
Little Sally: “Are we really supposed to eat that? It looks like roadkill.” Little Billy: “I know it’s not pretty. But it’s only a month until Christmas and you know what that means.” Little Sally: “That there will be another one of these dead birds on the table?” […]
Clara Bow, left: “See, the door is right there. So, I don’t understand why people didn’t show up for my party. That’s why I called you out here, to figure out who did what to ruin my night. Mary Pickford is probably involved, since I’m cuter than she […]
Therapist, left: “But you must tell me everything about all of your repressed issues. Otherwise, I will never be able to heal you and write a bestselling book about how I saved you from the depths of depravity.” Leslie: “But I can’t even look at you.” Therapist: “Are […]
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