1. It has members of my family in it and I don’t know what they’re doing. This instantly puts me on high alert. Knowing how some of my family members have a natural instinct to do things they probably shouldn’t, this document could easily become evidence in some […]
Left to right, Model #1: “Damn those prop people backstage. They gave me the one handbag that had an unpaid bill hanging out of it. Just my luck. Hopefully, the annoying print on my dress will draw the focus. And this hairdo. What’s up with that afro-puff on […]
Detective: “Do you know why we called you down to the station?” Woman: “I have no idea. Is this something to do with the parking tickets? I really did mean to pay them, but I get distracted easily. I lived in Montana for a while and that messes […]
As promised in the last post, here we go with a bit of a flashback… Once again, this week’s Park is essentially going to be about me, which should come as no surprise to anyone who has ever read anything I’ve ever written. Still, there’s at least […]
Dearest Friends, Casual Acquaintances, and Past Lovers Who Pine for Me Endlessly (at least in my imagination): Some of you are aware that my tormented soul was tormented even further by an unplanned (and unbudgeted) root canal a mere three days ago. (If you are not aware, all […]
Note: This is the final bit in the ongoing story concerning my experience as a potential juror. You can find the beginning of the story here… The mousy little judge recovers from the startling announcement that we have a wanted felon in the house, and she quickly […]
Edwina: “Are you sure that we’re doing this right?” Bud: “Of course. I read all about it on the Internet. This is how you have safe sex.” Edwina: “But something seems a bit off. This is nothing like what happened in all those young adult novels I read […]
Harry, far left: “Now, son, this might not sound too good, but we had to sell you off so we could pay the internet bill. This here nice man is gonna take you for a while until we figure somethin’ else out.” George, supposedly Nice Man: “We’re gonna […]
1. Car manufacturers will finally develop a special button for your dashboard which, when pushed, will cause the car in front of you at the drive-thru ATM, wherein the occupant is taking forever to make a simple transaction, to be hurled into the blazing hell of the sun. […]
Left to right… Sophia: “Picture it. Sicily, 1920. A beautiful young woman is running naked through a field of golden flowers. These things happen when you have chianti for breakfast. The woman pauses to let the sun glisten on her perky bazoombas, when suddenly she is propositioned by […]
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