Note: Okay, fessing a little, I DID try wearing contacts way back in the day, like 1983, when they were these hard, inflexible buttons that you basically had to glue to your eyeball and you couldn’t really close your eyelids comfortably when they hit that damn speed […]
Fair Warning: I get a bit cranky with this one. (And for those of you unfamiliar with Wal-Mart, just envision “discount store where you might run into people who don’t have their priorities in order”.) 1. The Parking Lot If a given vehicle is such a supreme piece […]
Note: In honor of National Coming Out Day, I dragged this one out of the archives. I was torn between taking a serious or more light-hearted route, but I finally decided that things have been far too serious lately, and we need some levity. Besides, Coming Out, once […]
Note: Continuing our enumeration of critical things one must do in order to squeeze the maximum productivity out of your personal day and yet still remain relatively content and happy. Click here to read the first part of the series, in case you don’t recall the bit of a […]
1. Absolutely nothing. 2. Test out the stamina of your alarm clock. You’ve always wondered how many times you can hit the snooze button until it just stops working and you wake up the next day. (It explains all this in the manual, of course, but you haven’t […]
Nadine: “Why are you handing this to me?” Postman Pete: “It’s addressed ‘To the Lady of the House’.” Nadine: “You’re assuming that this is my house. And that I’m a lady.” Pete: “You did sort of walk out the door just now.” Nadine: “That doesn’t prove anything. I […]
Howdy, Clam Bakers. As I was compiling and reviewing the poll results from last week’s glorious roundelay between Dr. Brian and our sumptuous and extravagant guests, someone else walked into my office unannounced. This is a clear indication that my secretary, Christi-Peggy-Claudette del Osythia, is not hitting her […]
1. You watch a TV show that you’re not all that interested in just because you’re too exhausted to figure out how to get to that Guide channel on the new remote that your partner keeps swapping out every two weeks. (Why must we always have new ones? […]
Six degrees of snarkeration… Take 1: Some people will do anything to get more likes on Facebook. Take 2: Congress tries once again to pass any kind of respectable legislation this year. Take 3: The revolving door of White House press secretaries tries to put a spin on […]
1. That antique malls even exist. Where did these things even come from? Back in the day, when people got together and tried to sell used stuff, it was called a flea market. People set up little tables where they could pile a bunch of dusty things that […]
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