Mirror: “Wow, that’s never happened to me before.” Jennifer Aniston’s Grandmother: “Are you talking about the crack?” Mirror: “Well, if you mean the break in my glass and not the recreational activity happening in the other room, then yes.” JAG: “Hmm. I’m sure it’s not your fault. Mirrors […]
Dear Bonnywooders, Okay, that term sounds just terrible. I thought I’d take it for a test run, but now that I see it in print, that rig is going back in the garage and I’m locking the door. Still, what’s done is done, so mark your calendars about […]
Dear Viewers, I’m sure you’re just as excited as I am about the upcoming new shows on our glorious network. We have worked very hard to ensure that all bovine orientations have been represented, despite the threatened boycotts by right-wing organizations such as Focus on the Cows […]
Yesterday, I ate enough food to feed a family of twelve. It all started out rather innocently, as I often state, usually with some degree of tongue in cheek, around mid-morning. Partner and I had arisen and were mutually staring into the jungle of contents within our wide-open […]
The lovely Saturday evening had been going splendidly until Claudette laughed just a bit too hard and the cauliflower casserole from dinner backfired unexpectedly. Her bloomers billowed, the conversation ceased, the cab driver discreetly rolled down a window before they all perished, and the possibility of a second […]
Click here to read this story from the beginning. So, Terry is back on the horn with the Mob Boss contractor guy. Mob Man is amazed that the singing plumbers would leave without fixing the problem. (Why would we make this up? Did he think we found […]
Since we’re in the midst of a friendly home-invasion, here’s one from the archives… 1. “We are apparently complete and total pigs. How in the hell did peanut butter get on the ceiling? What happens in this house when I’m not looking?” 2. “Scrubbing bathroom floors takes a […]
Click here to read this story from the beginning… We approached the ticketing agent’s little counter with two different attitudes. I was filled with trepidation, clutching as I was a passport that had been marked with a scarlet-letter sticker by the evil Delta line monitor/dream crusher. Partner […]
1. Thank you for choosing to fly with us today. 2. You know, it’s proper etiquette that you knock before you just barge in here. 3. What are your thoughts on public nudity? 4. Did you know that serial killers really like to push buttons that light up? […]
This little holiday doesn’t have quite as much going for it, unlike the flashier Thanksgiving and Christmas spectaculars, filled as they are with rituals like massive feasts and drunken relatives bickering over stupid things. Basically, May Day involves flowers and people prancing around a stripper pole. That’s about […]
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