Tag: Vintage

Past Imperfect – #535

Maria: “I just have one prayer, oh Mighty Isis. Could you please send me a publicist who knows how to focus a camera? Okay, maybe two prayers. It would be nice if the costume designer on this gig didn’t feel compelled to disguise the fact that I have […]

Past Imperfect – #522

After a grueling twenty minutes of being on the film set with all the Little People, Joan retreats to her Personal Adoration Chamber for a few hours of reflection and self-worship…   Originally published in “Crusty Pie” on 05/05/17. No changes made. You can order your own PAC […]

Past Imperfect – #64

Estelle had always wanted to be a famous Broadway actress, wowing the crowds every night and sipping champagne at fancy restaurants. But as she fought to maintain her balance while she posed for the “September” photo in the Cackling Cluckers annual calendar, she realized that her career was […]

Past Imperfect – #105

An early visual primer on the foundations of “Trickle-Down Economics”: Those above stay dry, those below get wet. In the background, a young Ronald Reagan gazes in wonder.   Originally published in “Crusty Pie” on 03/27/15. No changes made, as no changes have been made with the ridiculous […]

Past Imperfect – #530

Marilyn Monroe: “Arthur, I’m not really understanding this bit in your play right here, with the witches shrieking.” Arthur Miller, off-camera due to clearance issues with his publicist: “Well, it’s an allegory about the Salem trials and McCarthyism and… why are you standing like that?” Marilyn: “I’m posing […]

Past Imperfect – #511

Anna May: “I’m sorry, I was momentarily distracted by my own perkiness and I didn’t quite catch what you were saying. Could you repeat it, please?” Police Officer: “I said that you seem awfully chipper considering we just found the famous movie producer, Irving Hindenburg, floating in the […]

Past Imperfect – #524

Awkwardly-Clingy ticket-taker at the Toulouse-Lautrec Metro Station in Paris: “Madamoiselle, I don’t know why you felt compelled to leap over the turnstile whilst bellowing something in Swedish, but I can’t have you running amok in the bowels of this city without acknowledging fair trade agreements. It’s anarchy!” PETA-defying […]

Past Imperfect – #514

Edward VIII, abdicator and fool for love, left: “Do either of you know why we were invited to pose in this ridiculous manner, as if we’re part of a synchronized swimming team off the coast of Atlantic City, circa 1905?” Billy Crudup, once-promising movie star who flared for […]

Past Imperfect – #515

Henry: “I told you that I don’t want to talk about it.” Anais: “But Henry, we are both progressive writers who have challenged the world to let us speak freely and openly, without hesitation, about our basic carnality and the ways in which we pursue and express it. […]